Well, what to say about The Eurovision Song Contest 2012. I suppose I better start by saying congratulations Sweden! Oh and well done Englebert! You may not have won it for us, or even done very well for us at all, but you did your best and that’s all that matters. Ok, so it would have been nice to win, but hey, at least we still have the Olympics.
Azerbaijan put on a great show and there were a lot of great songs in the final. The voting was a colourful array of block voting; practically every country awarded the top marks to their neighbours. We need more neighbours. They should being back the juries, the fair, honest and unbiased juries that served Eurovision for so many years. Oh wait, they have…
So what about the Big 5? The 5 countries that get automatic qualification into the final every year because they pay the most amount of money towards it. Germany, Italy and Spain all managed to make it into the top 10 (8th, 9th and 10th place respectively), with the latter two expecting a higher finish. Spain had high hopes for Pastora Soler, although perhaps not quite high enough that they would actually win. France and the United Kingdom were not however able to replicate that success and were left at the bottom. Anngun, even with all those male dancers, wasn’t able to do better than 21st place and Englebert, side burns and all, was practically deserted by the rest of Europe, only managing 12 points. Poor Englebert. But what about Azerbaijan, the only other automatic qualifier? Well, Sabina managed 4 place for Azerbaijan. Quite how she did though I don’t know. But didn’t she look beautiful in that dress though?
But of course, there were 20 other songs in the final a well. What about them? Well, there was Compact Disco in the dreaded second position for Hungary and their rather forgettable song ‘Sound Of My Heart’, the screaming woman from Albania who somehow made it into 5th place, Donny Montell and his dance moves from Lithuania, the ever beautiful Maya Sar from Bosnia Herzegovina and who could forget the all singing, all cooking Grannies from Russia, singing to save their church! I think it’s safe to say that their church is staying put. They might even have enough money to build a new one too! Back to the finalists and we had Jonsi and Greta from Iceland, with Jonsi hoping to improve upon his last Eurovision attempt of 2004, but actually finishing in the same position, only achieving a higher score and a beautiful blonde haired partner; Ivi Adamou was sending her love all the way from Cyprus, Ott Lepland proved that there is success for talent show winners and Tooji from Norway, rather unfortunately, finished last for Norway, bringing their total number of times at the bottom to 11. At least he didn’t go home with nil points, although he wasn’t far off. So, moving on with the Spanish singing, bagpipe playing Mandinga from Romania, the Guatemalan-born, former street busker Soluna Samay singing for Denmark, the girl with the hard name to spell and pronounce from Greece, (who I’m sure are happy not to have won it!), the ever charming and free spirited Loreen bringing Sweden their 5th victory in the contest and Can Bonomo and his boat made out of dancers from Turkey. Nearly there and Kurt Caleija was sporting the one glove look for Malta and perhaps had the coolest … and hardest dance moves ever seen in Eurovision Oh and he sang too. Rather well, followed by another screaming woman, this time from Macedonia. And then came the moment you were all wating for … JEDWARD!! Back again after their success in Dusseldorf, this time with a water fountain and flat hair, they sure got the audience on their feet and entertained Europe with their infectious pop song ‘Waterline’. But I do have just one question: Why was their hair not sticking up?! I am very disappointed. Almost there I promise. Singing in 24th position was Zeljko Joksimovic, returning to perform for Serbia, this time without Montenegro, who was followed by the half African, half Ukrainian Gatiana, who rather oddly, was inviting people to be her guests. And to finish it all off, a Moldovan guy singing about his Trumpet, in true Eurovision style of course.
But who could forget the semi-finalists? They may not have been good enough to perform twice, but they certainly put on one hell of a show! The semi-finalists provided us with Country and Western (kind of… a little bit) from Latvia, pop rock from Switzerlandand well, typical Eurovision pop from Israel. Iris and Pernilla, from Belgium and Finland, provided us with the first of many ballads, and who could forget Valentina Monetta from San Marino, singing about that social networking site, what was it again, MySpace? Unfortunately the people of Facebook were unable to vote. If they were, she might have qualified. And of course, everyone’s favourite, Rambo Amadeus from Montenegro, and his ramblings about goodness knows what. But wait, this was just the first semi-final. There was a whole other semi-final as well! The second semi-final was even better and full of surprises too! There were yet more ballads from Croatia and Portugal, a blonde haired joker from Georgia, and a Maja Keuc look-a-like from where else but Slovenia. Why, there was even a Native American from The Netherlands! And who would have thought that Bulgaria would be the country tied for 10th place with Norway? Nevertheless, she had a good song.
Well, that’s Eurovision over for another year. All that’s left for me to say is: dear United Kingdom, please don’t give up hope just yet. We will win it again soon I promise! Oh and if your looking for someone to represent you at Eurovision next year, I’m right here! I promise I won’t finish in last place.